I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I supernannyed him into submission
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
