Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My penis needs a shock collar
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
