I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
