3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
