woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
