he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
