Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
