does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
