Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
