can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
