I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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