I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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