$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The air taste purple.
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