I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
