I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
