I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
