im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
