Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can text with my tongue
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
