is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
