Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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