Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
