Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
