That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
