Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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