I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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