im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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