I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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