Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
