Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
