Can i not drive my cunt home
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and she was petting her beer can
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
