I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
