I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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