Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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