so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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