i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
