I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
