when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
