giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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