yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize