Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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