It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
