My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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