Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
