You just made me feel so damn special
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
