He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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