I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As shirtless as possible
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
