i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
