C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
