Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
ok first of all what the fuck
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
