Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
