The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
