He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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