I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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