When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
