How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
