your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I want to fling myself into the sun
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
