Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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