the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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