Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
