he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Shame - the story of my life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
