That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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