we have officially lost it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
