I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My pussy is not your playground.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why is your signature on my underwear?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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