I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
