i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
