allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Life is so much better after having sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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