What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
