I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
