i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
