Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
