Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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