no, he came in my armpit
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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