i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
