Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize