I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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