When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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