you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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