I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
