Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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