OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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